it's been a crazy week and the madness is still continuing (: but i feel stronger today than i did at the start of the week. desperation brings you closer to God (: 

last friday we received an update on the serial molester on the loose around our estate. Clara and i couldn't joke about it anymore and we were relieved that the night we were out chatting till 2:30am ended with both of us home safe. then the saturday incident that has thrown the whole church into a world that we have never been in before. so many questions are left unanswered, so much pain. all the questions of what "could have been", "should have been" and "what if"... too many unanswered, yet still too little to change what has happened. we're still in a daze. life is so fragile.

today, i went to the dentist for the thing on my tongue that has been bothering me for months. she referred me to an oral surgeon and i travelled to his clinic to have an immediate biopsy. i was so scared. this is my second biopsy in my life, the first i underwent when i was 12 for a swollen lymph node. reliving the rollarcoaster of fear was worse than the initial fear itself. its the second time in life that i'm faced with the possibility of having cancer. the first time i was too young to understand the significance... 

but this time, i understand them perfectly. and what i understand is that i'm sitting safe in the palm of God's hand. i understand that my days are numbered by Him and Him alone. i understand that He loves me, and i understand that He is my everything. cancer or no cancer, i lose nothing. 

beyond that... i realised also that...
i'm not ready to go. i have a calling and i want to fulfil that calling. 
i realised that with the exams looming around the corner, it is our relationships in life that are important. 
and i realised... that i want to have a life with gerald tay. 

thanks G, for being there to listen to me cry 11,000km away, 8 hours ahead of you, and even though you have an essay to write by today. thank you for praying for me with me, calming me down and giving me strength. 
thank you daddy for coming to pick me up to drive me to the surgery <3 
thank you tings, trees, kexin, charm, joylynn, charles, clara, zhing, esther and mummy for your support and prayers (: 

now, i cant talk. hahahaha and i have a presentation tml (: GO ME! (: 
i am going to present. i will find a way (: God help me! i <3 You Jesus! (: 

Jesus, lover of my soul 
Jesus, i will never let You go 

open the eyes of my heart Lord (: i see your plan for my life unfolding, but it doesnt make it any easier to hang on!! omg imma loser (: i love You Lord. i know it's more than enough. it's just hard sometimes, to keep my focus on you, in every action, and in every thought. every thought man, that's way tough. but i can do it with Your strength. keep me close to Your heart <3

 i'm in that place Lord, 
where there's nothing else but me and You 
i'm longing for Your presence
i know that You're calling me to You 

and it's so empty
i need more, more of You Lord
i wanna hold You, love You, not let You go
renew this fire that's within my soul
i need more, more of You Lord 

there is a longing 
only You can fill 
a raging tempest
only You can still
my soul thirsty Lord
to know You as I'm known
drink from the river 
that flows before Your throne
take me deeper
deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
take me deeper
deeper than i've ever been before
I just wanna love You more and more
how I long
to be deeper in love

 who cares if you disagree
you are not me
who made you King of anything
so you dare tell me who to be 
who died and made you King of anything? 

love this feisty, spunky song! (:

 Jesus i am so in love with You! (: 

hahaha it's almost like i cannot escape learning about You or from You, no matter what situation i am in! keep it coming Lord! help me keep my heart and mind open to You! 

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

 HAHAHA

the HAPPIEST moments of my life are those special moments when i find GOD in my SADDEST point (: 


Father I see that you are drawing a line in the sand, and I wanna be standing on Your side, holding your hand. Help me make the hard choices to follow You.

You've restored to me the joy I have in You (: You are my hiding place.

i'm surrendering my heart, i surrender to my King.

hahaha in Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light my strength my song. this cornerstone, this SOLID GROUND, firm through the fiercest droughts and storms. what heights of LOVE, what depths of PEACE, when FEARS ARE STILLED, when STRIVING CEASE hahaha my comforter, my all in all, here in the love of Christ, i stand. ((: ((:

You are God alone from before time began, You were on Your throne, You are God alone. and right now, in the good times and bad, You are one Your throne and You are God alone (: You are God, that's just the way it is. (: unchangeable, unshakable, unstoppable, that's what You are ♥

the praise of my heart, the worship i bring, the life that i live, is the song that i sing (: let it be real, each note that i play, every moment of every day. be the praise of my heart!

how can hearts not love Your name? how can souls not sing Your praise? Jesus, You put music in my soul!!! ((:

BBBOOOUUUNNNNCCCEEEE

 walking into bio lab last year.. we find a surprise test on our tables..ms hor: ok class! as you can see, today we will be having a surprise test! (:
adam: ok we're surprised. can we go now?

during one of our first few gp classes last year..
ryan: there cannot be gender equality because girls can do what guys can do but guys can't do what girls can do!-stands up dramatically and starts pounding the table with his index finger-
ryan: i can't say.. I DEMAND THE RIGHT TO BE PREGNANT!

da xuan de shi hou... abby and trees support PAP! haha
charlene: I DONT CARE! I SUPPORT DOUBLE-YOO-PEEEEEE COME AND SUUUUEEE MMMEEEE!!

random morning assembly 2006..
hanx: Ryan.. your bag's crushing my bag
ryan: Now.. isn't that sweet?

[Chem lab]MrTham: You guys must always wash your burette! You never know, maybe the previous user got really bad results, then -pui!- into the burette..
Elizabeth: He's giving us ideas.

[Chem lesson]MrTham: Steric hindrance!! The backside too big, then cannot have backside attack.. ... you need to cleave it first!
Matthias: -alarmed tone- Huh? Need to clean it first?!

[Chem lab]
MrTham: To achieve level8 for SPA, you must demonstrate high levels of manipulative skills..
Abby: Iago! (Who came to both Trees' and my mind too! HAHA!)~ kopes from qings! (:

[Chem lecture] lecturer: ... and then you'll see one miscible layer..
ryan: huh? one miserable layer?

during break 06... we get muggerfied :S
someone mentioned: .... char-1-ene!
qings/nat: (realises the connection) zomg! you're an alkene!
qings: HAHA! you have isomers! char-2-ene, char-3-ene!
charlene: -buaysong face- yarh so? what do you want to do with me. electrophilic addition?
qings/Nat: LOL.. (almost simultaneously!) hey let's hydrolyse her/hydrate her!
qings: Add Hcl to Charlene..Nat: (aq) or CCl4 arh?? Hmm HX...should be (aq).. ZOMG! HX is HanXin!!!After a while of discussion..
Nat: So we put HanXin and Charlene together in a waterbath!!
qings: nono should be sauna! need heat right?? then HanXin attacks Charlene...
Charlene: oi can your stop it. it's getting dam disgusting

after our last chem spa of 2006
adam: *draws and orange* hey abby whats this?
abby: an orange?
adam: *writes -CH3* whats this?
abby: huh? i dunno..
adam: methy orange!!

down the stairs..
hyqel: yayyy! chem is fun! chemistry puts the cation in education!

one day, trackers and crossers were called for a meeting near the GO after assembly. matt, abby, eli are late for class...
mr tan: why are you all late?
matt/abby/eli: err.. we had a meeting
mr tan: joash also had the meeting but how come he's here already?
abby: oh coz we're in cross country, he's a sprinter.

at sentosa...hanx: is it me or did the bridge just sag?
girls: -.- high tide lar

one of those manymany days when adam has his sniffles (:
us: adam are you ok? what are you allergic to?
adam: -gives the taokay expression and moans most grudgingly- LLLLIIIFFFFEEE<span> </span>
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 When a crisis looms before you,
Don’t face it on your own;
Seek advice from godly counsel,
And take it to God’s throne. —Sper